Frosty Friday: French Vanilla Frozen Custard Edition

A love letter to Midwest magic, vanilla bean, and the joy of ice cream machines

It’s another Frosty Friday, my beautiful friends, and today I’m going full Midwest. We’re talking cul-de-sacs, lightning bugs, lawn chairs in the front yard, and… frozen custard. If you're wondering what the heck frozen custard even is—first of all, I love you. Second of all, you clearly haven’t lived in the Midwest. But don’t worry, I’ve got you.

Now, I know someone is out there thinking “Vanilla? Really? That’s so boring.” And I hear you. I do. But my sweet, jaded ice cream skeptics, let me tell you this: vanilla frozen custard is like soft serve and premium ice cream had a baby. A rich, dreamy, velvety baby. A baby that definitely inherited the best features from both parents. It’s basically dessert royalty.

Let me be very clear here: this isn’t your sad grocery store vanilla ice cream. This is French vanilla frozen custard—meaning it’s made with a custard base (hello, egg yolks!) and infused with actual vanilla bean. Not vanilla flavoring. Not “vanilla adjacent.” VANILLA BEAN. Which, by the way, comes from orchids. ORCHIDS! Nature is out here working overtime, gifting us little pods of delicious luxury and we’re just supposed to act like that’s normal? No thank you.

Let’s Talk Kids and Custard

So I told Ivy and Zander I was making French vanilla frozen custard for the blog. Zander’s reaction?
“YES!!!!!”
With that exact number of exclamation marks. Possibly more. There may have been fist-pumping. The excitement was palpable. Ivy immediately made sure I remembered that she is the oldest, half of the name of this blog and therefore deserves the biggest scoops.  Noted, ma’am.

So yes—this dessert is Ivy and Zander approved. And if you’ve got kids, or just happen to be a human person with functioning taste buds, I highly recommend getting this creamy dream into your summer rotation.

But Wait—What Is Frozen Custard, Anyway?

Okay, short science lesson before we dive in:
Frozen custard is like ice cream’s overachieving cousin. The difference is that custard includes egg yolks, which give it that extra smooth, rich, luscious texture that makes it feel like you’re eating dessert in a Jane Austen novel. But, you know, cold.

And yes, you will need an ice cream maker. I know. It’s a thing. But trust me, THIS recipe is the reason you own one in the first place. Dig that bad boy out from wherever it’s been hiding and give it a purpose again. Your summer deserves this.

French Vanilla Frozen Custard Recipe

Ingredients:

• 2 cups heavy cream

• 1 cup whole milk

• ¾ cup granulated sugar

• 5 large egg yolks

• 1 vanilla bean, split and scraped (or 2 tsp vanilla bean paste if you’re feeling practical)

• Pinch of salt

Instructions:

1. Heat the cream + milk:
   In a medium saucepan, combine the heavy cream, whole milk, and about half the sugar. Add the scraped seeds from the vanilla bean (and the pod itself, too!) and heat over medium heat until the mixture is steaming but not boiling. Basically, don’t walk away to water your plants.

2. Whisk the yolks:
   In a bowl, whisk the egg yolks with the remaining sugar and pinch of salt until it’s light and smooth and your arm is mildly annoyed with you.

3. Temper time!
   Slowly pour a bit of the hot cream into the egg yolks, whisking constantly. Then pour that eggy mix back into the saucepan. This step makes you feel like a wizard and prevents accidental scrambled custard. Yay!

4. Cook the custard:
   Continue cooking the mixture over medium-low heat, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon or heatproof spatula, until it thickens enough to coat the back of the spoon. Do not boil. You're going for custard, not curdled sadness.

5. Chill out:
   Remove from heat, fish out the vanilla bean pod (or don’t, and explain it to your children mid-bite), and strain the custard through a fine mesh sieve into a bowl. Cover and chill for at least 4 hours or overnight. Yes, patience is hard. No, you can’t skip this part.

6. Churn, baby, churn:
   Once chilled, pour the custard into your ice cream maker and churn according to manufacturer instructions. It should be thick and glorious by the end.

7. Freeze it or eat it immediately:
   You can transfer it to a container and freeze for a firmer texture, or just grab a spoon and go to town while it’s soft and dreamy. No judgment here.

Optional Add-Ins for the Rebels Among Us

Sure, purists will tell you not to mess with French vanilla. But if you must, here are some ideas:

• Swirl in caramel or fudge (or both)

• Add crushed chocolate cookies or graham crackers

• Top with macerated strawberries and pretend it’s health food

• Sprinkles. Obviously. Rainbow only, if you’re Ivy.

So there you have it. A little scoop of sunshine, Midwest nostalgia, and vanilla orchid magic. French Vanilla Frozen Custard might sound basic, but once you taste it, you’ll know the truth: it’s anything but.

Now go grab that ice cream maker, summon your summer positivity, and make this dreamy custard happen. Your inner child (and your actual children, if applicable) will thank you.

Happy Frosty Friday, friends! 💛